huevo

7:35pm: Noggin
Noggin is a TV station we get that runs toddler shows 24x7, and at least during the evening time, there is a 5 minute break between shows that is hosted by Moose A Moose.

Moose his bird friend Zee do all kinds of stuff that interests toddlers, including walking through a world of creepy zombie animals that all have dead, lifeless eyes.

In one particular episode they are admiring a zombie-animal's painting of herself when Zee spills the zombie's yellow paint. Zombie-animal becomes sad because she was going to paint a sun on her picture.

When the show returns, it is revealed that there is no more yellow paint and Zee is very sorry. The Zombie-animal says 'that's okay, I'll just paint CLOUDS and RAIN instead' and proceeds to paint dark clouds and herself getting soaked. Moose cheers that everything is solved and Zee, sensing it really isn't, quickly paints an umbrella. Hooray!

The end.

Obviously something is missed here by Moose. The Zombie-animal could have made fluffy clouds, a tree, a house, or ANYTHING to replace the sun, but instead says 'that's fine Zee, I don't need a SUN, I think CLOUDS and RAIN are far more appropriate based on the circumstances.' Zee got it, Zee went so far as to alter her picture to alleviate her obvious pain (and his guilt).

What does this teach kids? That spilled paint isn't a big deal and it is good to forgive people who make mistakes? No, it teaches that if someone ruins your ability to have fun, make an artistic statement about the pain you feel and give a hollow acceptance to their apology.

Okay, it really teaches the first thing, but I thought it was funny.

3:26pm: Little work bashing
It took over 3.5 years and the threat of us going out of business, but facilities has finally bought a couple of door stops for the lunch room and main conference room doors. I'm not talking the ones that you screw into the doors, I'm talking about the little rubber wedges.
We've been using hunks of metal since we moved into this building.
Our facilities dept is very much 'no complaints means no problems, so don't change anything'.
Investor come through our facility and see hunks of metal keeping doors open... I dunno, I think that looks bad.

And now, a picture:



That there is 4 open jars of creamy peanut butter and a jar of mayo that has been sitting out for 2 weeks. Obviously, the term 'refrigerate after opening' doesn't apply to MBAs and PhDs.

12:15pm: You need to go to ESPN and watch Mayne Street
The first one killed me, the last one, this one, killed me as well.
The rest I can give or take.

9:02am: 14 Billion
That's how much Ford promises to spend on fuel efficiency if they get bailed out.
Tune down you fucking engines. There, problem solved. I believe you own me $14 billion.

11:34am: I may work with this man some day


Probably not, but it cracks me up that he's the model they used for their career's page.
The company is literally next door, I used to park right behind where he's standing.

3:27pm: "I know just enough IT stuff to be dangerous"
Which means you will make great strides to show me how much you know, but the second a real problem comes up you're suddenly clueless. Then, once I fix it, just as suddenly as you became an idiot you now give me the "that's what I was thinking it was" line.

If you know "just enough to be dangerous", you don't actually KNOW anything. Installing a 3rd party firewall on your home PC isn't 'IT stuff'. 6 year olds can do it.

"I know just enough IT stuff to be dangerous" means at some point you're planning on fucking something up beyond the realm of human comprehension and then you're going to dump it on me with a chuckle. At which point I take some screen dumps of your internet history and ship those off to your boss.

4:15pm: I missed Michelob...

7:31pm: All Hail
Asian Glory!

7:30pm: Failure
Words fail me

7:29pm: Failure
You can't really tell, but that is a cork-screw hole in the lid of a screw-top wine

7:24pm: Failure
Found on a counter at work, was there for several hours.
I see what you were trying to accomplish, so I give it a 'C' for the idea, but and 'F' for execution.

Do you wipe your own bottom, or does your mommy still do it for you?

3:44pm: YES!
Zack de la Rocha has finally formed a new band!

Been waiting for this ever since the rest of the band joined with Chris Cornell and proved none of them were not the geniuses behind their former bands.

3:18pm: Eclipse
From Space:

8:18pm: Die NBC die
Dear NBC
Burn in hell. But before that, stop treating me like a toddler who doesn't know when his favorite show is on TV. I KNOW how to read a schedule and see that Phelps is swimming at 7:whatever.
There is a thing called the 'internet' the spread information faster than a 3 hour tape delay. Fire your dinosaur program director who thinks its all a fad and hire anyone else (Carrot Top comes to mind as more intelligent)
So here I sit with history being made, or not being made, an hour ago, avoiding all but a few websites so this information will be a surprise. And, when the time finally comes to see this epic event on 3 hour delay, I will be further insulted by seeing a 'LIVE' tag in the upper right hand corner. Like I don't know any better. Yeah, and WWE is 'real', too. I'M NOT 2 YEARS OLD!
I could not be much more angry right now. I actually looked forward to the olympics until I realized NBC actively hates the Mountain and Pacific time zones.

10:35pm: A road trip in pictures
This is the plateau where I shall set up my fortress:


And this is the vehicle I shall use to spread my kingdom:


I was told as a child that this is where they cut the cheese


Obviously my hill


Just pretty:


OK, no dogs allowed, I get that, but what is this picture of? I think a man in a duck hat leaning over a rail


Northlake Tavern Pizza


Obligatory


The journey home begins (about 120 miles or so ago)


Chillin'


Hello, my name is Nini, and I am a pillow


Edging closer


She's actually staring just slightly above the camera at Dora


No man is an island, but some clouds are


Crop circles... in the sky?


Nooo!!!


NOOOOOO!!!!


One of the first signs you see in Oregon. I'm not saying... I'm just saying


I guess that's something to advertise


Proof that Oregon has the bomb. I should probably be kinder to them


Cheap gas!


We watched 3 separate vehicles get out of this guys way after being tailgated obscenely close


I dunno... sometimes it's just too easy


Woo!! Makin' progress


Woo!! Still makin' progress


WoooooO!


Oregon: land of unoriginal city names



And when they are original, they are just silly



Wooo!!! still makin' progress


MORE unoriginal names


Wooo!!!! almost there!


Flash forward 106 miles to my bed hogging sleep mate

And her amazing sister


My plateau!


Even MORE unoriginal names


Air Wolf!


Some things speak for themselves


WooHoo!!!


WOOHOO!!!


Redd-ing! Redd-ing!


REDD-ING! REDD-ING!


Mt Shasta


NOT Mt Shasta


Let's see, at 74MPH we'd be home in... Long time


Cute


The picture says it all: hot, construction, traffic.


REDD-ING! REDD-ING!


Spruce Goose? Not sure


Obligatory Twin reference


Hot hot hot!


We actually ate at the Popeyes, but I forgot to take a picture


Just hanging out


HOT!


And here is where it is so hot


Northern California = NOTHING


Nini, I think there's something in your...


Cows...


Stay on target!


M&Ms, The Incredibles, and Dora stickers got us through the last 3 hours


You're back, huh? From where, terrorizing a Tokyo old folks home?


If you look behind the sign you'll see some building where something happens. Sorry, I don't know what.


Northern California = NOTHING


I thought of ol' Frank 'Grimey' Grimes


That is an SUV on its side with all their crap scattered on the road


Hay!


Home stretch


Power lives here


Lots of collapsed buildings on I5


Woodland? Isn't that in Washington? Turn around!


I can smell it


Roche?


Last leg of the race. Well, almost.


Some cops looking off the side of a bridge. Is a donut committing suicide?


Ok, NOW we're on the last leg.


Geez, we leave for 2 weeks and Giant Italians go and take over San Lorenzo


At long long last.

9:00pm: ATTN: Program director at NBC
You will burn in hell.
There is no excuse for why I had to watch an interview with some 6 year olds in Walnut Creek instead of watching Michael Phelps win gold in the 200IM.
In the age of the internet, where 90% of people's homepages will declare 'Phelps wins gold again!', there is NO EXCUSE for playing every single event on tape delay. ESPECIALLY when that event takes place at 7:47PM PST.
Now I have to wait until 10:47PM PST to see an event I already know the outcome of because it is posted on your stinking webpage AND I'm told by Bob Costas that I'm witnessing it live.
Rot in hell you useless scumbag.

2:31pm: Busser's Log: Oct 25, 2006
Day 15 of Exile
I have been defeated, though this new war is long from over.
My firing was brief; in fact it never technically existed. Our spineless GM folded under my blackmail and told me to go ahead and show up for my next shift as if nothing had happened. Then several hours later I was told that, oh by the way, my next shift would be at our sister restaurant at Shilshole. In fact, all of my future shifts would be taking place there.
It seems that my Whore of a former manager had trumped my blackmail with a bit of her own. The result was a transfer that increased my commute from a 7 minute walk to 45 minutes worth of bus rides and then a 7 minute walk. Needless to say I’m angry.
The smart thing for me to do would be quit and get a ‘real’ job that may someday help me in my career goals. I think that’s what The Whore and the GM were expecting of me. In fact, that’s exactly what my girlfriend practically begged me to do. But revenge is in my blood and I cannot let this stand.
Besides, I have friends in need. Things are looking grim back home with the renegade busser-cook alliance beating down my boys and the totalitarian Whore regime gaining power. My presence is needed to restore order.
I have no desire to remain at this new restaurant, despite a more favorable tipping structure, longer rushes, and that it’s being run by a secret bussing cult. To the casual observer this would seem like some kind of Mecca, but not all is gold.
My fellow bussers, while fast and efficient, are utterly devoid of personality. Even the freaky cult members are more robotic than human, giving the whole group a very eerie Borg feeling.
The kitchen is a battered, bruised and beaten group, jumping every time one of us enters and fleeing from our path as we walk through. This is something that should warm my heart, but instead I’m strangely disgusted by this pathetic behavior.
The servers are servers, no more stuck up than anywhere else, but a little less demeaning towards us since bussers do quite a bit more than usual here. Managers are like everywhere else, utterly useless, and the front desk is a dark evil land ruled by a cruel banshee we call ‘Pria’.
The cult, formally called ‘Brotherhood of the Tattered Rag’, was what fascinated me the most, and oddly enough I fascinated them just as much. I was invited to join on my second day and despite the warning in my heart at what my girlfriend would do to me, I accepted.
The Brotherhood was founded when, while digging through the GM’s office after hours for blackmail, one individual named ‘Ted’ came across a memo from corporate. It appeared the restaurant was at the bottom of the seven restaurants in sales and had been for 2 years running. Corporate was finally preparing to do something about this.
Ted (I have to use his real name because that’s how they roll. Nicknames are forbidden.) met up later that night with two others, Chris C and Chris D, and they came to the conclusion that they needed to form the Brotherhood and use the memo as a means to control the entire restaurant.
The whole thing is actually rather brilliant. Over a few drinks and puffs from the peace pipe they drafted a list of changes they’d like to see implemented. These included separating the bar via a narrow passageway (which I have dubbed the ‘Hot Gates’) and making it a sports bar, and renovating the banquet room for actual banquets instead of regular dining. Also on the list was a change in the tipping structure for bussers that included an increase in work load that allowed for maximum server schmoozing and therefore better guest tipping. Everybody wins.
The GM was presented with the changes along with an understanding that he was to be GM in name only from that point onwards. Various forms of blackmail were also presented and he folded. Each of the cultists was given raises to $12/hr and the changes were made. Word is that last quarter they out netted my restaurant and climbed up to #3.
Ted has since left the Brotherhood, getting a ‘real’ job, and the remaining Chris’s decided they wanted me. My slightly exaggerated reputation for cruelty had followed me and they admitted that Ted was the idea guy. Since his departure in June they’d managed not a single improvement and their control over the GM was waning. I’m expected to fix this via my mythical powers of inhumane cruelty. Fear is their new tactic because apparently ‘new ideas’ are for suckers.
And of course I wasn’t told this until after I’d taken the broken glass oath of loyalty. There are times when you need to listen to the little voice in your head and ignore the big evil one.
I feel moderately obligated to decimate this new GM’s very will to live just on principle, but as I mentioned before my boys were getting slaughtered and the Whore needed to be crushed. Obviously these troubles take priority. Besides, why should I waste my efforts on a GM I’ve never met when there’s a perfectly sleazy one waiting for my revenge back home?
All in all, it’s not a matter of what I should do, but rather how I should do it.




Busser Logs #1 - May 10th, 2006
Busser Logs #2 - May 12th, 2006
Busser Logs #3 - May 14th, 2006
Busser Logs #4 - May 15th, 2006
Busser Logs #5 - May 18th, 2006
Busser Logs #6 - May 20th, 2006
Busser Logs #7 - June 1st, 2006
Busser Logs #8 - June 2nd, 2006
Busser Logs #9 - June 8th, 2006
Busser Logs #10 - June 12, 2006
Busser Logs #11 - June 15th, 2006
Busser Logs #12 - June 18th, 2006
Busser Logs #13 - June 22nd, 2006
Busser Logs #14 - June 26th, 2006
Busser Logs #15 - July 22nd, 2006
Busser Logs #16 - July 28nd, 2006
Busser Logs #17 - Aug 6th 2006
Busser Logs #18 - Aug 11th, 2006
Busser Logs #19 - Aug 13th, 2006
Busser Logs #20 - Aug 15th, 2006
Busser Logs #21 - Aug 19th, 2006
Busser Logs #22 - Aug 20th, 2006
Busser Logs #23 - Aug 23th, 2006
Busser Logs #24 - Sep 8th, 2006
Busser Logs #25 - Sep 26th, 2006
Busser Logs #26 - Oct 1st, 2006
Busser Logs #27 - Oct 6th, 2006

6:03pm: I wish I spoke Danish
So I knew what this meant:

It came with many other binders that seemed obvious what they contained. No joke, I've yet to open it.

4:09pm: When is Zero not equal to 0?
There's a new style of hard drive that dell is using on its tiny laptops with a connector called 'Zero Insertion Force' or ZIF.
Connecting a 'Zero' Insertion Force hard drive involves awkwardly bending and then cramming a small, thin ribbon into a relatively tight connector (with a fair amount of force, by the way) and then hoping that you: a. lined it all up correctly with the tiny pins you can't see in the connector and b. put it in with the right side up (there is no orientation marked on the cable).
Why this couldn't be done with a very simple SATA hookup (which, I dunno, like every other company does and which really does require almost no insertion force) is beyond me.

5:09pm: Make you a deal
Stop driving like a jackass and then you can start complaining about the price of gas.
Says the guy who upped his MPG from 28 to 32 just by not driving aggressively.

4:33pm: Dear Automakers
Exactly how many millions of Priuses do you need to see sold to finally create a competing product?
Schmucks

6:47pm: Vindicated
Well, not really. But it does restore some hope in humanity.

12:20pm: If this is wrong, I don't wanna be right
I asked my dad "Should we bring the keg inside? It's getting hot out and its in direct sunlight."
He says "We should cover it... Do you have a house of some kind, like a cardboard box."
"Yeah, I got a house."

5:00pm: PC Hardware 101
All you need is a paper clip and some needlenose pliers to fix a loose heatsink.


Two reasons for the paper clip:
1. The piece that was there before needed to be soldered from the underside of the board which wasn't easy to get to.
2. Upon investigating the likelyhood of getting to the underside of the board, I send the old piece flying across the room.
Only wish I'd taken a picture of it before I stuck it in...

4:36pm: Guess who had to move an ass load of equipment outside today?